Saturday, June 21, 2003
Just came back from a children's church meeting...a rather long one I must say!!! But all worthwhile because...it was for Him...:) Kimmy has actually stepped down from the supervisory role, and now Uncle Peter and his wife has actually taken over...which i totally understand..I mean she's a mother of 3 with a new born baby, and soon to go back to work again..no wonder...I mean Im kinda exhausted just talking about it...:) But man, her baby is soooooooooooooooooo cute, today A/Rinda was holding her and she was sitting next to me...and obviously I just had to make those funi faces at caitlin (the baby's name i hope thats how u spell it) anywaz, then she started to giggle and laugh...man...cute cute cute cute cute!!!..kekeke. It was a rather productive day and the agenda was set out vely clearly which was really really good i must say...however, as previously noted in my vely first children's church meeting...there's politics everywhere...and i mean everywhere...of all the ministries i sort of thought that the children's ministry MIGHT be excluded but trust me...its not!! So i guess i've come to expect that in all the ministries except for maybe ushering??! i duno but I hope so :) But after today i kno this, and that is I want to leave all the politics of this ministry to the adults...i mean i would help out as much as i can and i do but as for the politic stuff...im gg to leave that to the adults...why?? well, because im doing this simply because i love the children...i mean i really really do. i've only started this year in the children's ministry but when i taught my group of kids last month,...i have to say i fell in love with them...not everyone of them mind u cuz..well...they r still kids rite...so some might tend to be more naughty than others but u still love them nonetheless trust me :) But i have to say i've actually missed them...like today i saw one of them...Jason...n he immediately came up to me and sat down with his puzzle book n i tried to help him get some of the words... i just mean that...i miss helping them, talking to them, just being with them. And some may think well its just your maternal instinct (and as matosh would put it when we get to 22 and above...apparently we all experience this maternal instinct..?!? kekekek) but i guess for me it was a lot more than that when i first thot of joining the ministry. For me, on a more personal note, well....there could be a slight possibility that i may not either have children or want to have children...the reason...well ...its a medical one. And yes i have prayed for my future partner to please not have this particular condition and i guess its only according to His will that our future if we can have children or not is in His hands. Im not bitter or sad because i believe that e'thing happens for a reason...n if im really not able to have children...well i guess i take great joy in serving in the children ministry and at first thats what inspired me to join the ministry, because i wanted to serve Him more and also because i have such a passion for children. They really r our future and more than anything their minds are so fragile n so innocent...which is why there must be more care taken when we are trying to teach them God's word and to teach them the right ways. I must say i really do love the children in the ministry and this love has grown from me wanting to serve our Lord more and also because children can bring such joy into your life, when they smile at me i kno that its because they are happy and that brings such comfort to me. But more than anything i kno that we are teaching them Jesus's way....and at such a young age to be exposed to God's word i think it truly is a benefit because i had wish that i had come to kno the Lord much earlier...but i guess there's always a time for e'thing. Now, all i want to say is that i pray and hope that God will continue to speak to Uncle Peter and his wife, and guide them, teach them as they lead the children's ministry because i believe that God really has a vision for this ministry and it is going to mould the children to lead His army in the future, for them to rise up and take charge. And i urge all of u to please pray for the children's ministry too, for them to continue to grow, and for the leaders to continue to listen to God and His commands and to follow Him and do His will.
After the meeting, i met up wif an old fren, not old i suppose but she was at fcc but she's now attending another church. It was good to meet up with her and just catch up. But i must say, as i sed to her as well that im kinda glad she's not at fcc. Not that i dun wan her to be mind u. But well,...like i told her im glad she's not because she's not involve in the politics of our church. Some of u might not see that there is but believe me...its there. And im glad because she's in a way an outsider, and i suppose when i confide in her, she is able to give me an objective response. And im thankful for that because i think we all sometimes need an objective view. Its very easy esp now for us to be in our comfort zone and stay there, esp when we hang around the same friends all the time which is fine cuz i do that but i suppose sometimes its good to find out what someone else's perspective is on the matter, who isn't in the centre of it who isn't involved in someway and perhaps someone who doesnt have anything to gain. So thank you my friend :) I hope we get to catch up once again when we both come bk from where we r gg :) take care :)
And to lilabella, i use to think too that i was in love with the idea of being in love...but then i realise this, we should looking for God's kind of love. This means i guess realising that when u are in a r/s, e'thing that you do should be in honour of Him, your love together should be a celebration of His love for us i guess that way is how i see the diff between me just liking the whole idea of having someone there and having that warm fuzzy feeling and knowing that what i have is love. Because it is all in honour of Him, i believe that the love u share with your partner should be a testimony as well of His love, His grace and His mercy. And gal believe me i sometimes cant tell the diff too bout the type of feelings i have...u should know me..kekeke...but i guess the diff i try to see now is do i see myself with this person down the road?? Do i see myself marrying this person, starting a family with him, and growing old with him...i guess if the answer is yes...a definite yes...without doubts than i guess theres ur answer. As for me, i guess afta talking to a fren, im just miss taking care of someone, doing stuff for that someone and just caring for them and knowing that they will care for me too. And i guess im still learning the word 'love', and as simple as that word may sound to some, trust me its not. Well at least not the way God wants us to love. His kind of Love is unconditional, and eternal thats the kind of love i desire for truly...i guess this book called 'a love worth giving' really inspired me its by Max Lucado and i encourage u all to read it. if nothing else, it shows us just how great our God truly is.
Thank You Lord, Thank You lord for being the amazing God that You are, for loving me unconditionally even when i dun deserve Your love, You love me nonetheless...thank You.
After the meeting, i met up wif an old fren, not old i suppose but she was at fcc but she's now attending another church. It was good to meet up with her and just catch up. But i must say, as i sed to her as well that im kinda glad she's not at fcc. Not that i dun wan her to be mind u. But well,...like i told her im glad she's not because she's not involve in the politics of our church. Some of u might not see that there is but believe me...its there. And im glad because she's in a way an outsider, and i suppose when i confide in her, she is able to give me an objective response. And im thankful for that because i think we all sometimes need an objective view. Its very easy esp now for us to be in our comfort zone and stay there, esp when we hang around the same friends all the time which is fine cuz i do that but i suppose sometimes its good to find out what someone else's perspective is on the matter, who isn't in the centre of it who isn't involved in someway and perhaps someone who doesnt have anything to gain. So thank you my friend :) I hope we get to catch up once again when we both come bk from where we r gg :) take care :)
And to lilabella, i use to think too that i was in love with the idea of being in love...but then i realise this, we should looking for God's kind of love. This means i guess realising that when u are in a r/s, e'thing that you do should be in honour of Him, your love together should be a celebration of His love for us i guess that way is how i see the diff between me just liking the whole idea of having someone there and having that warm fuzzy feeling and knowing that what i have is love. Because it is all in honour of Him, i believe that the love u share with your partner should be a testimony as well of His love, His grace and His mercy. And gal believe me i sometimes cant tell the diff too bout the type of feelings i have...u should know me..kekeke...but i guess the diff i try to see now is do i see myself with this person down the road?? Do i see myself marrying this person, starting a family with him, and growing old with him...i guess if the answer is yes...a definite yes...without doubts than i guess theres ur answer. As for me, i guess afta talking to a fren, im just miss taking care of someone, doing stuff for that someone and just caring for them and knowing that they will care for me too. And i guess im still learning the word 'love', and as simple as that word may sound to some, trust me its not. Well at least not the way God wants us to love. His kind of Love is unconditional, and eternal thats the kind of love i desire for truly...i guess this book called 'a love worth giving' really inspired me its by Max Lucado and i encourage u all to read it. if nothing else, it shows us just how great our God truly is.
Thank You Lord, Thank You lord for being the amazing God that You are, for loving me unconditionally even when i dun deserve Your love, You love me nonetheless...thank You.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
this is bad...im suppose to be studying..n its not HAPPENING!!! aarrghh...help!!! its not farni man..i have a paper due next thurs...and im just sooooooooooo incredibly lazy to get started.....shaitz!!! (my new word for the season...kekeke) anywaz...instead of studying which is what i should be doing now im writing in my blog...aiyah...how bad is that?!? ok must get down to it soon!!!....(psyching myself up to study...how pathetic is that!!) ok ppl that was a rhetoric that did not need an ans okies...kekeke...:) sighzzzzzzzzzz....
i must say ....the past few days i've been kinda stoning and bumming which is bad cuz u kno i cant really afford to but nontheless...im still doing it...tonight we r gg out for dinner for our dear friend's b'day...which is nice...i duno i always thot that b'days are such special moments...i mean yeah its just a number but i guess i've always treasured the fact when its someone's b'day they deserve to be remembered and that person deserves to be pampered :) which is why i always make an effort to remember e'one's b'day by heart just in case i forget...which i sometimes do...so i apologise in advance okies..:) but yeah...im a sucker for those special occasions where ppl can make money out of...like valentine's day and anniversaries...n b'days and all that...sigh...althou i must say ...i havent actually spent a valentine's day with someone special...quite sad yes...but its bcuz for some reason the person i'm dating...well...our r/s kinda ends just b4 valentine's day..?? dun ask me how or why...cuz seriously...i have NOOOOOOOO idea !!! it just happens that way ...so what can i say....i have not spent valentine's day with that special someone...ummm...oh well...i guess there will still be plenty more valentine's days to come rite..?? well i hope so...kekeke...i guess my little wish had been like...(ok this part is gg to sound corny so i prewarn u guys first k) that my 'guy' (wherever he is...kekeke) sort of asks me out on valentine's day...yes its kinda corny i kno...but its kinda like the 'dream first-date' i suppose...n then he will..u kno...do the whole flowers and teddy bear thing...but somehow its made special cuz its on that special day...n every year we'll be reminded of that special time bcuz it was on valentine's day...:) ok anywaz...i did say it was gg to be corny..keke...anywaz...ooohhh...n lilabella i still like the whole stars idea...i think thats really really really romantic...like seriously...wah i wouldnt mind if my guy did that...kekeke...but like i sed...wouldn't it be kinda sad thou if afta the star has been named for u then it dies...??(which i believe is the point of shooting stars rite) so yeah so sad...but i guess its the thought that counts...and i tink it would be sooooooooooo incredibly sweet and romantic if u knew when the star dies n then u can both sort of look out for the shooting star....n make a wish ...oh man that would be soooooooo romantic ...ok sori...gg off tangent again..kekeke :P anywaz...yes i do tink the whole stars thing is vely vely romantic...(so lilabella...make a mental note to self to remind may's future bf to do this okies...kekekeke)
okies...gotta seriously get some studying done peoplez...catch ya all laters :)
i must say ....the past few days i've been kinda stoning and bumming which is bad cuz u kno i cant really afford to but nontheless...im still doing it...tonight we r gg out for dinner for our dear friend's b'day...which is nice...i duno i always thot that b'days are such special moments...i mean yeah its just a number but i guess i've always treasured the fact when its someone's b'day they deserve to be remembered and that person deserves to be pampered :) which is why i always make an effort to remember e'one's b'day by heart just in case i forget...which i sometimes do...so i apologise in advance okies..:) but yeah...im a sucker for those special occasions where ppl can make money out of...like valentine's day and anniversaries...n b'days and all that...sigh...althou i must say ...i havent actually spent a valentine's day with someone special...quite sad yes...but its bcuz for some reason the person i'm dating...well...our r/s kinda ends just b4 valentine's day..?? dun ask me how or why...cuz seriously...i have NOOOOOOOO idea !!! it just happens that way ...so what can i say....i have not spent valentine's day with that special someone...ummm...oh well...i guess there will still be plenty more valentine's days to come rite..?? well i hope so...kekeke...i guess my little wish had been like...(ok this part is gg to sound corny so i prewarn u guys first k) that my 'guy' (wherever he is...kekeke) sort of asks me out on valentine's day...yes its kinda corny i kno...but its kinda like the 'dream first-date' i suppose...n then he will..u kno...do the whole flowers and teddy bear thing...but somehow its made special cuz its on that special day...n every year we'll be reminded of that special time bcuz it was on valentine's day...:) ok anywaz...i did say it was gg to be corny..keke...anywaz...ooohhh...n lilabella i still like the whole stars idea...i think thats really really really romantic...like seriously...wah i wouldnt mind if my guy did that...kekeke...but like i sed...wouldn't it be kinda sad thou if afta the star has been named for u then it dies...??(which i believe is the point of shooting stars rite) so yeah so sad...but i guess its the thought that counts...and i tink it would be sooooooooooo incredibly sweet and romantic if u knew when the star dies n then u can both sort of look out for the shooting star....n make a wish ...oh man that would be soooooooo romantic ...ok sori...gg off tangent again..kekeke :P anywaz...yes i do tink the whole stars thing is vely vely romantic...(so lilabella...make a mental note to self to remind may's future bf to do this okies...kekekeke)
okies...gotta seriously get some studying done peoplez...catch ya all laters :)
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
i cant study!!!! and i kno that all of u guys probably are...but i jsut cant...i mean COME ON!!!! i just finish my semester and i have to start all over again...WAT THE!!! I kno i said i was gg to study tonite but...man...it just isnt happening like seriously!!! so instead i decided to blog...blog about wat??? wellll....hehehe...i just watched 2fast 2furious...so i guess i could blog bout that huh...hehehe...lets just say on the way home...driving down the freeway...i was speeding a little...hehehe (sshuushh...dun tel anyone ) hehehe but yeah..i was kinda inspired...n yes i kno i drive a honda civic HATCH but .....(as one of my frens ALWAZ says...) WHO CARES!!!! hehehehehe but yeah had a small paranoia of being stopped by a police car though...but luckily God was watching over me...:) anywaz...it was a darn fine movie...like seriously...i mean usually u kno these kind of movies like the plot is so lame and so thin its not even funni but i must say the plot was simple and digestable...if theres such a word?? hehe...but yeah i must say i really did enjoy the movie...n the cars...needless to say...anddddddd....PAUL WALKER!!! umm...what a guy...hehehe...he sure has a vely vely NICE smile ...:) sori but i have a thing for guys with the dimple smile...kind of like tom cruise's but not quite...theres just something about guys and smiles...i think that a smile is more precious than gold...like seriously...i mean yah i get the whole 'the eyes are the window to ur soul' and thats great...but when a guy smiles...with THAT kind of smile...it can pretty much make u go soft at the knees...ok mayb im being a little overly dramatic but u get the point!! hehehe...some people prefer the eyes, but i definitely prefer a smile...:)
and well further reading bout lilabef's contemplation on platonic friendships...i guess there's something that must be considered which is that if a guy and gal really are very close friends and one or the other develop romantic notions for the other there is always a risk...and i guess the greatest risk would be the friendship...some friendships do survive this kind of 'complication' where if the feeling isn't mutual, both parties stil remain close friends...but then again there are some that don't. So i suppose a good question to ask before we decide to bear all and tell the other party how we really feel...i guess we need to consider the risk it involves...but of course there will alwayz be those who say...'but there's risk in e'thing'...n they r right...there is. But i suppose the thing is, is it worth the risk of losing the friendship? and yeah sometimes like i said, the friendship does survive...and it's almost like nothing really happened but then again..what if things don't stay the same?? well...thats just what i think...because to me right now...the friendship is way too important to jeopardise and i dun think i would wan to lose a good friend...oh well..thats just what i think..i mean if it so happens that both parties feel the same way...i mean that would be really really great...cuz like i sed before...'marry ur best friend not ur boyfriend'....so u kno...but i do know the reality is that not all of us will be in that situation, and for those of us who are...good for u :) And even for those of us who are not, don't despair, because i truly believe that He has someone special for us in mind already...we just may not have met him/her but it will happen...in His time :)
okie well...getting tired...and should probably try n get sum work done...hehe...take care all :)
darn darn darn....!!!
and well further reading bout lilabef's contemplation on platonic friendships...i guess there's something that must be considered which is that if a guy and gal really are very close friends and one or the other develop romantic notions for the other there is always a risk...and i guess the greatest risk would be the friendship...some friendships do survive this kind of 'complication' where if the feeling isn't mutual, both parties stil remain close friends...but then again there are some that don't. So i suppose a good question to ask before we decide to bear all and tell the other party how we really feel...i guess we need to consider the risk it involves...but of course there will alwayz be those who say...'but there's risk in e'thing'...n they r right...there is. But i suppose the thing is, is it worth the risk of losing the friendship? and yeah sometimes like i said, the friendship does survive...and it's almost like nothing really happened but then again..what if things don't stay the same?? well...thats just what i think...because to me right now...the friendship is way too important to jeopardise and i dun think i would wan to lose a good friend...oh well..thats just what i think..i mean if it so happens that both parties feel the same way...i mean that would be really really great...cuz like i sed before...'marry ur best friend not ur boyfriend'....so u kno...but i do know the reality is that not all of us will be in that situation, and for those of us who are...good for u :) And even for those of us who are not, don't despair, because i truly believe that He has someone special for us in mind already...we just may not have met him/her but it will happen...in His time :)
okie well...getting tired...and should probably try n get sum work done...hehe...take care all :)
darn darn darn....!!!
Monday, June 16, 2003
wow...been a while since i blogged...hehe...ummmmm....been bz..doing nothing ...hahaha...yes the beauty of finishing exams..!!! (followed by an echo of "Shuddap lah") hehehe...ok ok il try to not rub it in...but come on guys...i have a TRIMESTER unit...how much fun do u tink im really gg to have?? anywaz...the past couple of days i've just been shopping shopping n....shopping hehe...its called a much-needed retail therapy :)...found my boots though!!! woohoo...hehehe...its the knee-high ones i've been like looking for...n its real leather...AND wait...theres more!!! hehehe..i got it on sale...hehee yay!!! ok il stop gg on bout my boots.
Well, my paper on saturday was....not that great...i mean i really did do the best that i could but well...lets just say the couple of hrs before my exams was NOT good...sort of had a thing wif my mum jz before i went for my exams...perfect timing isnt it!! but yeah wat can u do rite?? So all that i knew to do was to pray...pray that He will be with me during my exams...and to help me to be able to focus wats at hand n not dwell on things i cannot change. And being the faithful God that He is...He did :) I really thank God for everything that i have, for everything that i achieve because i give all glory and praise to Him, without Him i dun tink i would have the strength or the ability to do wat i do. Thank you God, Thank you for being the amazing and awesome God that you are...thank You for Your love, Your eternal love...thank You for being my light when theres darkness all around me, for being the only one who understands me better than i understand myself.
been trying to tink wat am i doing with my life?? i mean we all have to really think bout that at some point in our lives rite? well..i guess i feel i should be doing more u kno..i mean yeah i wish i could end world hunger n all that but well...thats not a mission i can do on my own..:) but yeah been tinking bout that...and i realised...i dun really have an answer. this isn't one of those moppy, self-depreciation time but i really do tink that we have to think bout these things and i guess ive kinda hit the 'fork in the road' u kno...oh well i guess i have a bit of time to tink bout it rite...:) I use to think that its all in our attitudes...actually i still think that...and so i've decided to look at it all in a positive frame of mind...well im gg to try really really hard and... just believe. :) n matosh, thanks i am gg to try n look at the simple things in life...to stop complicating things for myself...well trying to at least :) and to ur question if a guy n gal can just be frens...well i think definitely...but i guess there still needs to be a line drawn...cuz yeah it is kinda true that guys and girls can misread certain things...but the thing is...the one thing that really sticks out in my mind is what someone once said to me....'marry your bestfriend, not your boyfriend' which i guess works for guys too ...'marry ur bestfriend, not your girlfriend'. when she said that to me, i didnt quite get what she meant...and she said, well...u should be marrying your bestfriend, someone you can talk to, laugh with, cry with and just be YOURSELF. And i will always remember that...so i guess different ppl have different ideas on that u kno...and i've heard many stories as well where guys fall for their girl best-friend so i guess this is a grey area where there can be no 'real' definition, its up to individuals...:)
have u ever felt like u just werent meant to feel a certain way but u do nonetheless...then u start to wonder...is this God's way of testing me?? i duno...thats how i kinda feel atm...that God's testing me but i dun really kno if im gg nuts or wat u kno...have u ever felt so bad bout feeling so good??ok sorri..not making sense once again...but yeah...im happy bcuz He has blessed me with good friends and well for another specific reason but i feel bad cuz im not allowed to...kinda...ummm...aiyah ok its getting late...cant make it anymore...brain shutting dowwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..................hehehe...
sigh....got to start doing work soon...man!!! this is so sad....but im gg to take it easy for a while...dun care lah...heheh...bad i kno but really need to take a bit of a break hey...:P
Good luck u guys for those of u having exams...u guys are gg to do well...simply because He is behind u alwayz :)
nites all :)
Well, my paper on saturday was....not that great...i mean i really did do the best that i could but well...lets just say the couple of hrs before my exams was NOT good...sort of had a thing wif my mum jz before i went for my exams...perfect timing isnt it!! but yeah wat can u do rite?? So all that i knew to do was to pray...pray that He will be with me during my exams...and to help me to be able to focus wats at hand n not dwell on things i cannot change. And being the faithful God that He is...He did :) I really thank God for everything that i have, for everything that i achieve because i give all glory and praise to Him, without Him i dun tink i would have the strength or the ability to do wat i do. Thank you God, Thank you for being the amazing and awesome God that you are...thank You for Your love, Your eternal love...thank You for being my light when theres darkness all around me, for being the only one who understands me better than i understand myself.
been trying to tink wat am i doing with my life?? i mean we all have to really think bout that at some point in our lives rite? well..i guess i feel i should be doing more u kno..i mean yeah i wish i could end world hunger n all that but well...thats not a mission i can do on my own..:) but yeah been tinking bout that...and i realised...i dun really have an answer. this isn't one of those moppy, self-depreciation time but i really do tink that we have to think bout these things and i guess ive kinda hit the 'fork in the road' u kno...oh well i guess i have a bit of time to tink bout it rite...:) I use to think that its all in our attitudes...actually i still think that...and so i've decided to look at it all in a positive frame of mind...well im gg to try really really hard and... just believe. :) n matosh, thanks i am gg to try n look at the simple things in life...to stop complicating things for myself...well trying to at least :) and to ur question if a guy n gal can just be frens...well i think definitely...but i guess there still needs to be a line drawn...cuz yeah it is kinda true that guys and girls can misread certain things...but the thing is...the one thing that really sticks out in my mind is what someone once said to me....'marry your bestfriend, not your boyfriend' which i guess works for guys too ...'marry ur bestfriend, not your girlfriend'. when she said that to me, i didnt quite get what she meant...and she said, well...u should be marrying your bestfriend, someone you can talk to, laugh with, cry with and just be YOURSELF. And i will always remember that...so i guess different ppl have different ideas on that u kno...and i've heard many stories as well where guys fall for their girl best-friend so i guess this is a grey area where there can be no 'real' definition, its up to individuals...:)
have u ever felt like u just werent meant to feel a certain way but u do nonetheless...then u start to wonder...is this God's way of testing me?? i duno...thats how i kinda feel atm...that God's testing me but i dun really kno if im gg nuts or wat u kno...have u ever felt so bad bout feeling so good??ok sorri..not making sense once again...but yeah...im happy bcuz He has blessed me with good friends and well for another specific reason but i feel bad cuz im not allowed to...kinda...ummm...aiyah ok its getting late...cant make it anymore...brain shutting dowwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..................hehehe...
sigh....got to start doing work soon...man!!! this is so sad....but im gg to take it easy for a while...dun care lah...heheh...bad i kno but really need to take a bit of a break hey...:P
Good luck u guys for those of u having exams...u guys are gg to do well...simply because He is behind u alwayz :)
nites all :)
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