My JoURnEY.......

i shouldnt even be writing in my blog rite now...suppose to be studying...hehehe..well 'suppose' being the operative word i guess. anyways....i guess i jz read something that kinda disturbed me...n made me wonder...is it me? is there something wrong with me?? i dun mean that in a self-pitying kinda way...i mean that seriously...is it my bad judgement? or my way of dealing with ppl or me? how can it be that ppl i once trusted so much ....hurt me so much? i guess mayb its cuz i trusted them...that was the whole point perhaps...i duno...i duno anymore...these days im finding it harder n harder to know the diff. i kno in my heart that i shld trust God to help me learn to trust. but i dun kno if i can...i dun kno if i dare to...if all it will eva bring me is pain. i kno right now being in my new cell...im holding bk in trusting ppl...i dun share in depth bout myself...n i guess a big part of that is fear. fear of getting hurt...n its true...who isnt afraid of getting hurt. but i guess i am scared more than an avg person would. i feel like i duno who i shld trust...wld that person hurt me...wld i be risking too much? i do wan to bcuz that wld mean my relationship wif them has somewat deepen but i just cant seem to...i just dun dare to...is that bad?? i wish i was stronger...i wish i believed in ppl...i wish...a lot of things.

i kno that i shld tok n resolve things...but something is holding me bk..n i duno wat...i simply dun kno what...i wish i knew bcuz it wld be so much easier...and i cld jz focuz on that n make e'thing alright...perhaps its my pride....perhaps....i guess i jz duno...i try so hard to look towards God n seek Him for an answer...but i guess i jz have to b patient. i guess i try so hard to believe that im ok...that the healing process has begun...n it has in a way...but there is a long long way to go...a long way. but i guess i must believe...or at least try.