My JoURnEY.......

i must say this coming week is gg to be so
tiring for me...i can see it already...every nite
i would probably just pass out on my bed...
not sure which house il be in but one of the beds
anyway...wondering why?? im moving HOUSE!!!!
finally..yes...whoohoo!!! but il have to juggle btwn
moving and studying at hte same time..not sure
how im suppose to do that but i guess i just do..
althou i feel like im just bluffing my way thru it but
*sigh* cant be helped right now i guess....wat to do
wat to do...

yesterday was our first cell for the year...YAY!!! i was
so happy esp during worship..i duno why..but i love
singing to our Lord just worshipping in song just
gives me such joy and such a sense of peace. and
i know tat wenever i am worshipping Him i just feel
so incredibly happy..like all my thots...good and bad
but mostly bad just flows away...all ifeel and see is
Him n frankly tts all i wan these days...to feel His
presence...and i guess talking to Julia the other day
really helped...i mean i feel such a sense of peace
after talking to her i guess its just knowing that im not
the only one...n that she just reminded me that yeah
in times of trial and adversities that althou its hard
as it always is...that we need to remember Him n His
grace n mercy, His kindness, His love, and to never
forget tt He's always there...even wen we cant feel Him
or see Him..He's there alongside us n all we need to do
is to let ourselves hear Him, let ourselves be connected to
Him. i guess something tt Julia said to me that really
stick in my mind was this...that sometimes we cant tell
the difference btwn wen we are trying to be healed and wen
we are just getting cold...(not sure if u guys will get it but
neva mnd) anyway i realised that yeah its really true cuz
sometimes i feel like yeah im saying one thing,..yes God
heal me blah blah blah..but my actions speak another. n
i guess im trying to correct tt now...i guess i realise theres
no point in saying yes God heal me n all that wen im not
willing to let HIm in, into my heart in order for Him to heal
but i guess sometimes its just hard but im really trying
n tts the best i can do for now.

Pastor's Benny Ho's seminar on wednesday was just
simply brilliant...funi that..it was about simplicity in
our lives...one thing that stuck in my mind was the
simplicity in faith. we often forget that God is there
wif His outreach hands waiting to catch us if only we
trusted Him enuf to let go. but often we dun..bcuz
we complicate our faith in Him...we often make rash
promises or words that says if I do this...God will do
this ...but u see thats just not true bcuz He will be there
no matter wat we do or say...simply bcuz He is a
faithful God. and tts something i know i tend to forget
and i was just reminded of how simple it can really be
if only we let it. i know its not easy to do cuz its part
of human nature for us to worry...to over-analyse...to
think too much...but i guess after all that...all we need
to remember is that He is there...wif his loving hands
waiting to catch us wen and if we fall. that just really
brought comfort to me wen i was reading that part. i
guess we all have our issues, fears, worries, hindrances
but its just such a comfort to know that He is always
there to catch us to hold us wen we can no longer
support ourselves wen we feel we no longer have the
strength...i just feel so comforted by that knowledge.
btw i just realise something... i mention 'God' a lot
in my blog huh...but tats a good thing!!!! im so glad
like i feel like wow...u know...hes really part of who
i am. anyway..getting late...have to get up early
tm...for the house..so shall leave u all here...
later.

tonite sum of us wen bowling at melville...althou
i was there but didnt bowl...didnt have enuf time..
cuz had class...u kno sometimes this nite classes
r good then again not so good..anyway i had a realy
nice time thou met some new ppl..one in particular..
marc..wif a 'c'..hahaha anyway met him at enroute
hence why i remembered his name...but yeah he
seemed very nice...very cute too....:) anyway...
too bad hes kinda youngin...by 2 years...hahaha
oh well....i had a good time talking to him anyhows.

look...sometimes life just doesnt go the way we plan
i get that..i really do...but i guess sometimes its hard
to see the bigger pic. i just wan to say this to my frens
yes, im hurting, yes im angry but at least give me that
time to do all that n get it over and done wif!!! sometimes
i feel lost i duno wat to do n i look to God but there is no
immediate answer...but i guess thats my cue to be patient
n wait. all i know is this i do wan to be frens wif him ...one
day.. but it just takes time...if he cant understand that then
im sorry.

well... the weekend is finally over...which
means..enroute is over too...but it was a
great success!!!! i mean we had so many ppl
come it was so good to see all these new
students...and some looking for a church
while others just wanted to get to know
freo a lot better :) but overall i am glad tt
i was part of this amazing team of ppl whose
heart was for our Lord and in serving Him..i
just feel very privillege that yes i was involve
n it has taught me a lot bout myself ...n others.

the past couple of days has been good for me..i
guess simply bcuz i just feel good about being
in the presence of God...i was just at Mr Pang's
house wif andy, and diana...we just had a mini
worship session amongst ourselves n it was just
so awesome...even thou there was only the 4 of us
it was just the fact that we cld b together to worship
Him that makes it all so good. and to just dwell
in His presence. we are now kinda of trying to
make this a regular thing amongst the campus
members...i just hope that there are ppl who hunger
for the Lord and would just like to come together
to worship Him. that is truly an amazing gift that
our Lord has given us.

to my dear friend...im not sure if wat u wrote on ur
blog was for me but if it was i thank u for ur advice
n ur encouragement. and ur right i was very angry
at him...why wouldnt i. but i guess it all passes in
time but i guess the thing is i just duno wen. i dun
want it to consume me either cuz i wouldnt be me
then. but im trying not to think of him as any lesser
than me cuz ur right we are all created by the same
God but u see, its hard for me cuz wen i do see him
all it reminds me of is pain and i just dun see why
i need to put myself thru that kind of pain ...and i duno
i guess maybe i am immature or maybe that my life has
taught me that sometimes certain frenships are just
not worth having. im not saying tts wat this is but i
dun see the value of it right now cuz truthfully...all he
has brought to my life is pain and a lot of tears. there
hasnt been a prolong period of happiness for me to reflect
upon n that is truly sad. but i want a better life for
myself...a life where i just wan to be happy and not be
brought down my fear, heartache and tears. im not
saying that i neva wan to talk to him or be frens wif him
but u kno if he is as sorry as u say he is...well i duno
know it bcuz he has neva actually said it to me. n u kno
wat maybe he needs to first before this can get any better.
he may feel sorry but u kno wat ....this is the truth...he knew
wat i wen thru..n he also knew how hard it was for me
to trust someone...i had denied myself of that a long time
ago but i took a chance...a risk..n he knew tt...but tt didnt
seem to have stopped him. n the thing is i just duno how
to get past that....the truth is..i just duno how to trust him.
trust anything that he will eva have to say to me....the trust
is broken between us...n until he wans to work on repairing
it then i guess theres not much for us to say. im sorry but tts
how i feel bout it now...maybe in time...but i guess i duno wen
but thats how it is now. but my dear fren thank u for ur words..
it meant a lot to me...may God keep u safe and well...