My JoURnEY.......

well ...it is now 2:31am on the 23rd of
february...i've officially turn 21....umm...
it was a rather uneventful day where i spend
a great deal of time in a church meeting...
but tats ok..for me this was neva a really
special day to begin wif. some of my frens who
are reading this are like why...why do u feel
this way???well quite simply put...i just do.
there isn't a scientific reason or a logical,
practical reason...by the way...do remember
this is like in the middle of the nite if my
sentence structure seem rather warped i do
apologise. hahaha....anyway...but i did enjoy
tonite where i saw some of my frens...wen to a frens
house and talked for a while which was nice.

anyway i guess today was made worse by the
realisation that there seems to be a cycle for me
where i seem to attract ppl who are bad for me.
either that or i epitomise the word 'dejavue'
seriously...the point is this, i value my friendship
wif my frens seriously...and they mean a lot to me.
thats just the way i am. and yes they are humans,
they are flawed...and i do accept that but wat i cant
is dishonesty. or maybe we just have very different
views of the word dishonesty. i duno....basically i
know i wasnt the greatest company tonite around
a particular person but i guess until that person decides
im actually someone worth treating a little better
than the way im being treated now then i guess
his words do indeed mean very little. Pastor
Benny Ho once said in his sermon, "action
speaks louder than words....words without
action are just words not meaning much." and
u see i've always always believe in that and when
ppl say to u yes ur frenship means a lot to me...blah
blah blah...well it doesnt mean a whole lot without
actions backing it up...or at least tats how i feel about
it.

to that someone...if u've ever wondered why i ever liked
u the answer had always been very simple...but u just neva
realised it...i had liked u just the way u are, the good and
the bad, u may not have but i saw more than wat u were
willing to see in urself if u only gave urself half a chance.
i doubt this person ever reads my blog but thats ok...
he will neva know but i guess the bottomline is i do. and
even now it doesnt really matter anyway...

dear all,...well it is now almost 19th
in bout 15 mins basically its drawing
quite close to 22nd huh....although im
turning 21, which i suppose is a big
'milestone' apparently, i cant say im
particularly excited about it...dun really
know why....sadly. i guess it holds little
value to me at the moment...and frankly i
cant seem to bring myself to be excited
about it. right now it feels more of a
hassle than anything else which i know
is wrong way of looking at it but well....tats
how i feel so...but maybe i mite get excited
closer to the day...actualy i dun think so ha...
will be spending my birthday at church in a
meeting so not sure how exciting that can be!!
i duno maybe im just not feeling so great about
getting older...haha..actualy nah thats not it either
so im not too sure wat it is huh...and u noe it
doesnt help wen the frens u ask to do a speech
on ur behalf kinda says no. i mean ok yeah
no one actually likes to go on infront a group of
ppl and talk..believe me neither do i but this isnt
just any speech its my 21st. and if i hadnt consider
them good frens or close frens i guess i wouldnt have
asked them in the first place. and frankly i've never
come across knowing anyone who's said no to
someone approaching them bout speaking at a 21st.
anyway ...tats just my opinion...not that im sure it
counts for much. ok at this point ur all probably
thinking man she sounds so whiny etc, etc and
just forget about it if they don want to do it and i
guess i have but well its not easy and its not the
nicest feeling in the world huh...maybe im just
tired .....maybe this is one of those days where
im just wallowing in self-pity so my frens wen u
read this i do apologise for this crappy entry...
*sigh*...okay well thats enough self-depreciation
for today. nite all...