My JoURnEY.......

well i feel a little need to share...hehe
*sigh* been reading some of my old blogs
well sad i kno but sometimes its nice to
go bk and see wat has been happening
in my life without me realising it. i guess
recently i've changed a lot in the way i think
about things. for one, there's new focus in
my life and that is, serving God and secondly
to do well in my studies. seriously, attending
my bro's graduation tonite has made me realise
something. ever since i can remember my
parents have never worried bout me academically
mainly bcuz i've always done well. but since uni
well lets just say...my report card dun look too
crash hot huh...anyway i guess tonite i realise
just how much they deserve to be proud of me.
i guess i havent been doing much that is worthy
of that. but really i hope that this year i can really
do well in my studies for a change. i know im
capable of it...i've done it before so i dun see why not
right?? anyway this is my two new focus for this year
and hopefully i can follow it thru.

well to comment on something i wrote a long time ago
on my blog ....i guess for me i've come to realise i must
first learn to trust Him before i can trust anyone else.
and the other is this...if i was to go through life never
trusting anyone then i guess it would be a pretty
crappy life. i gues the point here would be in choosing
who i trust. and that's something i've to learn. and im
working on that. for my friends who do read this well
i realise my attitude and my outlook has been wrong.
it wasnt i didnt trust the ppl in my life it was that i
didnt trust myself to trust them. to take a chance i
guess. anyway im slowly doing something about that
so pls do be patient with me.

and to a fren of mine i kno it hurts a lot right now and
the pain seems unbearable believe me...i feel ur pain
n i kno u kno that right. but believe me wen i say this
the pain does go away...one 'fine' day...maybe not right
now but it does go away...but in the meantime take
comfort in all the ordinary things that we take comfort in
junk food, retail therapy,etc but more than anything take
comfort in Him. even though we may not always understand
why He does the things He does but i guess tats where He's
trying to teach us to listen and obey. it isn't always easy but
it was never meant to be. otherwise how would we grow?? i
will keep u in my prayers my fren...do take care of urself..
gdnite.

realised i havent written in my blog for a while
have been kind of busy..wif orientation day
for murdoch...although it has really been an
insightful experience organising a church stall
on o'day...i cant say i particularly want to do it
again....unfortunately uwa o'day is still yet to
come....anyway...it's been a challenge for myself
as well for others im sure..i guess for me personally
it's that it's not easy coordinating in a group...there
are those you can count on to do things and who will
deliver and then there are those who wont. basically
u find out who are the responsible ones and who arent.
anyway im glad i did this...mainly becuz it was for Him
and i guess everything right now for me is to mould me.
or at least thats how i see things in life right now. if anything
these experiences and these challenges teach me
patience, kindness and most importantly how to work wif
people who dont always share the same view as me.
and i guess that was God's learning lesson for me...to
compromise...that not everything can go my way. for a
particular fren of my liz..i kno ur prob laughing right now...as
u read this..yep i admit it things don always go my way..
anyway right now this is not my biggest concern rather...
my concern right now is for a fren of mine whose going thru
some personal crossroads. frankly i dun think i was of much
help to him but i do thank him for feeling comfortable enuf to
confide in me. but i guess its something we all go thru...we all go
thru some crappy
stages in our lives..and believe me everyone has times where they
dont see the point of wat they are doing or why they have to do it
but nonetheless they still do...this is why...becuz despite how
they really feel in the back of their minds they still know its the right
thing to do. caring bout someone and being nice to someone shld
never be a chore or a burden but rather an unconscious effort. simply
bcuz of this...God loves us despite our mistakes despite our hangups
He loves us no matter wat we do...and He has no reason to do so other
than so that we will honour Him in loving others. this is something that
i found so refreshing and so inspiring...becuz half the time it's difficult enuf
to like someone let alone love someone but the pt is that even if we dun
feel like it today or tomorrow or wenever it may be...we do it bcuz by
loving someone perhaps unloveable to us we at least will brighten that
person's day to let that person know they matter in this world and they
matter becuz God loves them and they in turn can do the same for someone
else and it is through us that they see God's love
even if we dont benefit from being caring or nice or just smiling to them
all these actions speak of love becuz if we dont, then we dont honour Him.
then wats the point?? and for me personally, caring for my frens kind of
comes naturally obviously to those i consider close frens...but even then
at times i feel like i cant be bothered...probably cuz im so tired half the time
anyway but i think everyone at one point or another goes through this.

for me this is wat i;ve learned through the good and the bad...bad things
happen we have thoughts we shouldn't have or we have feelings we
know are wrong but to me it's wat u do about it that matters. if u
give in to those feeligns to those temptations then it says a lot bout
u or rather very little. but i hope u get the drift...anyway we get distracted
alot and we tend to focus on ourselves...n although that's good at some
times if we realise we can improve on something or even just a realisation
then we are focusing on the right things but most often we should be
focusing on Him..although this may sound so darn cliche...it's true. i
know that i often get distracted by the worldly things...and think why
is this happening to me or why this why taht...but then i come back
to the focus that the whole time it was meant to be on Him..in times of
darkness where i truly feel like crap of this earth...He will always be my
light...(know it sounds so darn cliche again) sorry...but thats how it is
for me...no matter how down i am which believe me my parents can
give testimony to how many zillion billion times thats happen...at the end
of it all i kno i always come bk to Him. and that's wats important to me.

this world is in enough chaos as it is and despite lacking in ability right now
to have a dramatic impact in this world, having the right attitude may be a small
change for us but it can lead to big change in the future. and thats wat i keep
reminding myself that i may not be able to stop world hunger or stop children
from suffering right now but my actions hopefully will one day have an impact
on someone's life. even if it is a small impact i know that at least i made a
difference. and it is only through the grace of God that i will be able to do this.