My JoURnEY.......

hey there....well today has been a day of self-
reflection or rather a realisation....all my life
i believe in having the kind of luve that u see on
the movie screen and perhaps something close to
it but today i realise thats just not in my cards. all
my life the guys have in some way or another caused
major pains in my life and i was able to get past that
wif God's grace...and i truly believed that wif all that
'experience' i wld be able to avoid it as i should be
able to see it coming rite....WRONG!!!! i;ve recently
been a sucker for another Mr Wrong...how??? u mite
ask i have no idea..but today i came to realise tt he
lied to me too...after all that i;ve told him about my
past wif my ex and previous guys...even my own
dad...he still manage to hurt me...incredible isnt it??
i find it so...i mean i truly believed that he was different
that if he understood my past my background..he wouldn't
hurt me but i guess i was dead wrong. the only truly sad
part about all of this is i really believed in him...duno why
now but i did...and he has just disappointed me time and
time again...i have cried over this person way too many
times and frens have told me he is unworthy of my tears..
despite that however..my tears just keep flowing...although
it may not be apparent on my face but believe me my heart
is still crying....

i wish things didnt have to go so sour u kno...if only he knew
wat he wanted...but i guess do men ever know wat they wan???
guess not...but i truly felt something for him...really more than
i've ever had for anyone in a long long long time...i gues before
him i was too scared to let anyone close to my heart esp after
wat my ex did....i guess i refuse to...even guys who try to get
close to me eventually i would shut the door on them....but wif
him...i believed him wen he said all the things tht he said...but
it was foolish of me to believe him...i guess thats my lesson..
i shld not have trusted him...i should have just stuck to wat i did
before and never totally trust a man...he's just bound to break ur
heart anyway..some of u mite think thats just so cynical of me but
life has taught me differently i guess...

anyway tts all im ever gg to tok about this anyway....so all i know
is that it's gg to take a long long time for me to trust him or any guy
for that matter...

wow...finally have time to blog...
well at the moment nothing much has been
going on...unfortunately...besides me going
to norah jones concert on feb 7th which is a
while away...anyway...but other than that
been gg to the beach...attempting to get
a tan of somekind....not succeeding however..
but will not give up!!!!!

here's a thot..do men ever really appreciate
what they have until it's gone???? like that song goes
'dun kno what u've got until its gone" sorry cant remember
the title except it was that song they play in '2 weeks notice'
when sandra bullock was trying to prevent hugh grant from
demolishing this historical site....anyway it just got me
thinking do we really only appreciate wat we have until its
gone ...but by then wldn't it be too late???so then how can
we not let that happen???for me personally i have made a vow
to myself and wif God that i shall try to learn to appreciate the
blessings He has given me and the grace and mercy that He
has shown me and try not to take that for granted. i suppose
a lot of us tend to always think that well someone will be there
to help us or this person will be there no matter wat...whether it's
our parents or our frens i guess if we do take them for granted
wat reasons have we give them to stay...not much i guess so i;ve
decided from now on i shall endeavour to appreciate all the
things around me and learn from that how i cld be a better person
from appreciating what others have done for me...so i guess tats
all for now....