Tuesday, July 29, 2003
well it is 2.42am on the wednesday morning...i mean yeah it's technically wednesday rite?? well if u cant tell...im plagued by insomnia at the moment...sigh!!! BUGGER!!! kekeke...anywaz...I just had a nice long talk with one of my close frens from spore...(Babe u know who u are!!) It was just really good to catch up with her again :) and darl, I'm glad too that I'm not alone in the way i feel about that particular area that we talked about. And you're right it is good to know that we are not alone cuz frankly I tink sometimes we get so self-absorbed that we think we are the only ppl with problems u kno when in fact there are ppl who are worse off than us. Ppl living in poverty, suffering from famine...n here i am whining bout some insignificant stuff. Anway...I just wana thank u for ur support babe n ur encouragement, thank you for believing in me so much n having so much confidence in my ability. I'm not sure if i deserve it thou...but thank u nonetheless :)
For those of u who dun kno...i had food poisoning a couple of days ago...n well..im not completely ok...cuz let's just say the food i eat dun exactly stay down if ukno what i mean ;) ok ok sorri...less info rite!! keke...but yeah i promise il go c a doc ok just that i really really hate gg to see a doc cuz ...yeah eva since i was little...i was ALWAZ sick ...n i really mean alwayz...we were neva quite sure why...but yeah n seeing how im like allergic to like i duno...E'THING!! my parents always had to take me to a chinese doc...u kno those herbalist type...anywaz so yeah afta that i kinda of develop a thing bout gg to doc's...gg only when i absolutely n i mean absolutely have to!! oh btw...yeah the food poisoning i believe was from....MACCA'S!!! i think anywaz...it's either that or from soya bean?? but anywaz...lets just all be aware of macca's food k. :)
Lately, well i know i've been hibernating a little...sorry guys :) and slightly anti-social but i am trying to get bk into the 'swing' of things?!?! Sori babe if i seem kinda distant...just been going thru sum big stuff :) Will catch up with u when i can hey! On Sunday, Aunt Ellen prayed for me...n well i mean she sort of knows whats been gg on...urrr...kinda?!? And i guess i neva really realised what a lot of the stuff i use to say can actually impact the way i am rite now. Ok well, see the thing is we all know that God loves us rite... I mean He created us and like John 3:16 says...but i guess its like my brain knows God loves me but my heart hasn't really let down all the barriers to receive His love. I guess over the many long years i've built up certain barriers to block out any kind of love just so i guess.. like it is our human nature...we won't get hurt. And now that God feels that Im strong enuf to deal wif certain issues...He's forcing me to deal with it now...n in His time. I guess i just didnt realise n didn't see it coming. And when A/Ellen prayed for me when she asked me all these questions bout all these stuff...i was so incredibly shocked...just bcuz i had no idea the impact or rather the harm i was doing to myself. She did say that it's all a process...don't expect it to all change overnight..n i totally get that. I mean yeah im not really expecting it to u kno. But she did say it's like peeling a layer off one by one...n im beginning to peel it off. Slowly but its gg :) But it just might take a while...so pls...bear wif me :) I guess i have to learn to not jz see the positive of the things arnd me but to see the positive within me. So God...Im ready...I'm ready to receive Ur love n Ur blessings!!
On a different note, it is now just a little under 2 months til the end of my vow. ummm....well...this was meant to be a learning time for me...n wel...i have learnt a lot. For starters, I've realised I intend to keep my promise to God no matter what...cuz well if u tink about it...if we cant keep our promise to God then who can we really keep our promises to? Although believe me it aint easy ;) but i guess that was the whole point of the exercise. We'll always be tempted in one way or another but we must rely upon Him, upon His strength to carry us through cuz it is only then that we can be more like HIm, to truly understand His faithfulness to us by being faithful to Him. I am thankful that i did go through this and that i will be ok. I guess i've also learnt that although sometimes your heart is telling u one thing...n ur brain another...it doesn't mean u have to act on it. I mean i kno i can't anyway but the temptation is there. But to be able to hold back n say 'God, if this is not Ur will, please take it away.' However, bear in mind that it's not suppose to happen overnight cuz well...it's not like our feelings developed overnight either rite? So i guess the comfort is in knowing that at the end of it all...if His hand is upon it then it will be yours in the end anywayz...whether u do something about it now or later. Believe me when i say this is a learning curve for me too...n I'm not sure what will happen in the end for me either but just take comfort in knowing that He knows. That your path has already been planned n that the person you're meant to be with has been chosen n that now it is just a matter of time in meeting him/her. Please don't be mistaken for what i'm saying as that we all have a perfect 'one.' Cuz i believe that we all have a perfect 'someone' but there isn't a so-called 'the one'. The difference i guess is that if we fixate on the idea that we all have one perfect soul-mate out there...then what happens if u marry someone else's soul-mate?? Then what? oh darn!!?! the other guy loses his chance of meeting his soul-mate rite? So i guess i don't really want to see the person i'm gg to marry as 'the one' but rather as someone whom i get along really well, who i can follow in my spiritual walk, who compliments me as i compliment him in our personality and character and someone who has the heart and desire for God. And i don't really wan to fixate on the idea that there is only one such person in this world. I believe in life, we will meet few such ppl but as to whom we'll marry i guess that will be different for all of us :) Anywaz...it is way too late now for me to continue writing...umm...sorri..brain failing to function..keke.
ok good nitez all n take care....God bless :)
For those of u who dun kno...i had food poisoning a couple of days ago...n well..im not completely ok...cuz let's just say the food i eat dun exactly stay down if ukno what i mean ;) ok ok sorri...less info rite!! keke...but yeah i promise il go c a doc ok just that i really really hate gg to see a doc cuz ...yeah eva since i was little...i was ALWAZ sick ...n i really mean alwayz...we were neva quite sure why...but yeah n seeing how im like allergic to like i duno...E'THING!! my parents always had to take me to a chinese doc...u kno those herbalist type...anywaz so yeah afta that i kinda of develop a thing bout gg to doc's...gg only when i absolutely n i mean absolutely have to!! oh btw...yeah the food poisoning i believe was from....MACCA'S!!! i think anywaz...it's either that or from soya bean?? but anywaz...lets just all be aware of macca's food k. :)
Lately, well i know i've been hibernating a little...sorry guys :) and slightly anti-social but i am trying to get bk into the 'swing' of things?!?! Sori babe if i seem kinda distant...just been going thru sum big stuff :) Will catch up with u when i can hey! On Sunday, Aunt Ellen prayed for me...n well i mean she sort of knows whats been gg on...urrr...kinda?!? And i guess i neva really realised what a lot of the stuff i use to say can actually impact the way i am rite now. Ok well, see the thing is we all know that God loves us rite... I mean He created us and like John 3:16 says...but i guess its like my brain knows God loves me but my heart hasn't really let down all the barriers to receive His love. I guess over the many long years i've built up certain barriers to block out any kind of love just so i guess.. like it is our human nature...we won't get hurt. And now that God feels that Im strong enuf to deal wif certain issues...He's forcing me to deal with it now...n in His time. I guess i just didnt realise n didn't see it coming. And when A/Ellen prayed for me when she asked me all these questions bout all these stuff...i was so incredibly shocked...just bcuz i had no idea the impact or rather the harm i was doing to myself. She did say that it's all a process...don't expect it to all change overnight..n i totally get that. I mean yeah im not really expecting it to u kno. But she did say it's like peeling a layer off one by one...n im beginning to peel it off. Slowly but its gg :) But it just might take a while...so pls...bear wif me :) I guess i have to learn to not jz see the positive of the things arnd me but to see the positive within me. So God...Im ready...I'm ready to receive Ur love n Ur blessings!!
On a different note, it is now just a little under 2 months til the end of my vow. ummm....well...this was meant to be a learning time for me...n wel...i have learnt a lot. For starters, I've realised I intend to keep my promise to God no matter what...cuz well if u tink about it...if we cant keep our promise to God then who can we really keep our promises to? Although believe me it aint easy ;) but i guess that was the whole point of the exercise. We'll always be tempted in one way or another but we must rely upon Him, upon His strength to carry us through cuz it is only then that we can be more like HIm, to truly understand His faithfulness to us by being faithful to Him. I am thankful that i did go through this and that i will be ok. I guess i've also learnt that although sometimes your heart is telling u one thing...n ur brain another...it doesn't mean u have to act on it. I mean i kno i can't anyway but the temptation is there. But to be able to hold back n say 'God, if this is not Ur will, please take it away.' However, bear in mind that it's not suppose to happen overnight cuz well...it's not like our feelings developed overnight either rite? So i guess the comfort is in knowing that at the end of it all...if His hand is upon it then it will be yours in the end anywayz...whether u do something about it now or later. Believe me when i say this is a learning curve for me too...n I'm not sure what will happen in the end for me either but just take comfort in knowing that He knows. That your path has already been planned n that the person you're meant to be with has been chosen n that now it is just a matter of time in meeting him/her. Please don't be mistaken for what i'm saying as that we all have a perfect 'one.' Cuz i believe that we all have a perfect 'someone' but there isn't a so-called 'the one'. The difference i guess is that if we fixate on the idea that we all have one perfect soul-mate out there...then what happens if u marry someone else's soul-mate?? Then what? oh darn!!?! the other guy loses his chance of meeting his soul-mate rite? So i guess i don't really want to see the person i'm gg to marry as 'the one' but rather as someone whom i get along really well, who i can follow in my spiritual walk, who compliments me as i compliment him in our personality and character and someone who has the heart and desire for God. And i don't really wan to fixate on the idea that there is only one such person in this world. I believe in life, we will meet few such ppl but as to whom we'll marry i guess that will be different for all of us :) Anywaz...it is way too late now for me to continue writing...umm...sorri..brain failing to function..keke.
ok good nitez all n take care....God bless :)
"