Thursday, July 17, 2003
hi guys, well...today is the post meeting up with ex day...kekeke...i mean i met up with my ex last nite at garden city or garbo as some know it. :P and well....lets just say...i've had better days. ok ok no sorri..let me start from the vely beginning as to how all this started...hahaha..man im still laughing when i think bout it.!!!ok ...see me and my ex began chatting over icq n he's been asking to meet up with me quite a number of times...hence he asked me again on wednesday nite...so i told him yeah i still had class...then he was like oh ok...but i sed im thinking of gg to garbo to look around for presents n stuff...i sed would u like to come?? u see when i wrote that question..i kinda figured he would prob say no seeing its just me doing shopping u kno. But no...he replied n sed yeah i dun mind. Well what could i say to that rite??? anywaz we decided to meet afta my class and have dinner n somehow a mention of a movie i.e. T3 was raised. I was like urrr...sori but i rather watch bruce almighty....anywaz in the end thats what happened. We ended up going to watch bruce almighty but the movie started at 9.10pm we met at 6pm and by about 7.30 we were actually done shopping. And can i just say...i've never felt this uncomfortable shopping before!!! n u know me...haro!!! shoppaholic..kekeke...but yeah he literally just followed me e'where...i mean thats nice n all...but i seriously did not feel comfortable shopping!!! I tried to go into shops where they had guy stuff too u kno..but guess what...he still kept following me. I mean i had to literally say...u kno there are guy stuff over there. n u kno whats his response..yeah but i dun have anything to buy. (may smacks herself on the forehead) oh man!!! i was like urrr...yeah i kno..but i guess u cld still look rite!!! At first he didnt quite get the hint but urrr...well i tink eventually he got it cuz we were in Live...n he slowly ventured over to the guy section. Phew!!! ok sorri...but like i was seriously like on the brink of hyperventilating...cuz yeah i mean for one...our convo was seriously lacking...u cld pretty much say we were 2 strangers walking side by side in a shopping centre. Which i suppose is kinda true seeing we havent really toked in like 2 years. But man this was worse than the awkwardness on a first date...its like the date from hell..hahah..ok ok jkjk. And by about 7.45 we had walked around the entire shopping centre n i kept asking him, 'so is there anything u wana buy or take a look at?'....response, ' nah not really.' i was seriously about to pull my hair out one by one cuz i think by that stage it would have been more fun!!! hahaha...ok ok..well i sed we could walk around the shopping centre another 10 times but that wld just be boring...so he suggested we just sit down n get a drink. So ok i thot thats not bad an idea...plus well hes the one who suggested it rite so how bad can it really be!!!...well lets just say...neva tempt God ok...cuz we ended in the food crt n well....it was so bad that ....ummm...can i jz say i made a desperate run to the toilet...n waited til it was 8 n called a friend...hahahaha...well im sure this friend knows who im talking bout...kekeke ;) but seriously that was how bad it was...i mean i seriously wanted to run away...n i was half tempted to just say lets take a raincheck on the movie but i felt so bad cuz otherwise that whole waiting thing wld be a waste of time for him. So instead we just sat there....n i MEAN we just sat there!!! The convo was so lacking that i kept looking around at ppl. N i think he did the same too. hahaha i mean as im writing this i cant stop laughing to myself bcuz when u think about it...it is pretty darn farni!!! anyway i got pretty desperate towards the end n was half tempted to ask him if he wanted to parachute (an idea proposed by a wacky friend of mine....;) u kno who u are!!!!) anywaz i refrain from doing so cuz well..how bizarre wld that be n well it wld jz add to another weird look that he ALREADY gave me. Finally, time slowly passed n i mean SLOWLY passed n eventually we made it to the cinema n well...u wld think that after the movie ...that it wld actually give us something to talk about. But NOOOOOOOOOOO we jz had to go prove THAT wrong!!!! The convo after the movie went as far as...'so wat did u tink of the movie?'....'yeah i thot it was pretty farni.' ....'yeah me too.' (end of convo) so there ...we jz had to prove ourselves wrong!!! anywayz....im kinda glad THAT'S over...not that il be doing that anytime soon!!! I mean i have to say im sure this wasnt any fun for him either...im sure he could have been doing better things. (me too!!)
Well after all that, ha i have to say...it made a few things very very clear to me :) One, we would SOOOOOOO never date again...hahahahah...sori sori...just had to say it ;) n the other i guess is that maybe we shld just stay as online buddies...either that or lets not talk too much before we meet up next time?? I mean i dun really kno why our convo was so little and so sad. Maybe its the whole awkwardness after the 'not-talking for 2 years' or it could just be that we have both undoubtedly change and are no longer the people we use to be. I mean when we were sort of in the 'lack of convo zone' i did tell him that i never really thot that we would be sitting here rite now u kno. n he asked why n my response at the time was that well, i never really thot about it...i sort of just moved on wif my life. I mean seriously for those of who u kno what happened, i was still a wreck even last year if his name was mentioned or if i even had to think bout what happened with him. That was how bad the situation was and can i just say it was BAD!!!! i wish i was exaggerating the "badness" of it...but unfortunately im not. For my frens who've known me for a long long time, they know what this means really...and i guess well...he didnt really understand the extent of what he did i suppose. Which is why it does amaze me that we are able to sit down n just well sit down together without me wanting to wack him over the head...kekeke...jk jk...well maybe not if i was writing this 6 months ago...;) But the realisation came to me when i got home that how amazing this all is. That really God's hand was upon this and upon me. I've always prayed and ask for God's healing and for me to really be ok u kno...and i realised that yeah im beginning...that the healing process has begun and is on its way :) and Im so thankful to Him for e'thing that He's done in my life. I know that this situation with my ex would never have happened if it weren't for HIm. So thank you God...thank You. I also came to realise something that God really is with me because i realised that if He werent there would be no way that i could just move on like that...i mean i've had a few situations where well....some of u kno that my best fren is now my ex-best fren....(a whole other story) but yeah n believe me when i say there was a time where i dun really remember not crying out for help to Him every nite and asking Him why why why....although His answers never came immediately...(although sometimes it does) i now understood why. It was all about His time, and what He wanted me to learn from this. That I had to learn to rely on Him n not just on my own anymore. You see, im so use to being independent u kno, solving my own problems not really telling anyone...not even my parents. And i was struggling with the idea of giving it all to Him, surrendering it all to Him....n believe me there are still days where thats a hard thing to do. But i realised why...because He has the answers, He knows our plans before we even thot of it. He knows our thots, our desires even if we dun say it out loud. So when we try to force things to happen...or at times...not to happen it doesnt work...because He's WAY ahead of us. I guess that was the lesson that i needed to learn and that He wanted to teach me. So God, i get it now i really do...thank You for showing me the way, Your way. I really do feel blessed i really do :) I just really want to share with all of you His grace and His faithfulness. Please believe that even when we go through bad times that there is a reason for it n that to seek Him, seek for His guidance, His wisdom, and remember we serve a faithful God. Stay true to Him and to yourself. Ask for His strength and His love to guide u, to be with u. And never doubt our awesome God. This is my testimony and i pray that it has helped someone out there, even if its a small step towards Him, I pray that it has helped someone to seek Him. And to have renewed their faith in our Holy God. God bless :)
Well after all that, ha i have to say...it made a few things very very clear to me :) One, we would SOOOOOOO never date again...hahahahah...sori sori...just had to say it ;) n the other i guess is that maybe we shld just stay as online buddies...either that or lets not talk too much before we meet up next time?? I mean i dun really kno why our convo was so little and so sad. Maybe its the whole awkwardness after the 'not-talking for 2 years' or it could just be that we have both undoubtedly change and are no longer the people we use to be. I mean when we were sort of in the 'lack of convo zone' i did tell him that i never really thot that we would be sitting here rite now u kno. n he asked why n my response at the time was that well, i never really thot about it...i sort of just moved on wif my life. I mean seriously for those of who u kno what happened, i was still a wreck even last year if his name was mentioned or if i even had to think bout what happened with him. That was how bad the situation was and can i just say it was BAD!!!! i wish i was exaggerating the "badness" of it...but unfortunately im not. For my frens who've known me for a long long time, they know what this means really...and i guess well...he didnt really understand the extent of what he did i suppose. Which is why it does amaze me that we are able to sit down n just well sit down together without me wanting to wack him over the head...kekeke...jk jk...well maybe not if i was writing this 6 months ago...;) But the realisation came to me when i got home that how amazing this all is. That really God's hand was upon this and upon me. I've always prayed and ask for God's healing and for me to really be ok u kno...and i realised that yeah im beginning...that the healing process has begun and is on its way :) and Im so thankful to Him for e'thing that He's done in my life. I know that this situation with my ex would never have happened if it weren't for HIm. So thank you God...thank You. I also came to realise something that God really is with me because i realised that if He werent there would be no way that i could just move on like that...i mean i've had a few situations where well....some of u kno that my best fren is now my ex-best fren....(a whole other story) but yeah n believe me when i say there was a time where i dun really remember not crying out for help to Him every nite and asking Him why why why....although His answers never came immediately...(although sometimes it does) i now understood why. It was all about His time, and what He wanted me to learn from this. That I had to learn to rely on Him n not just on my own anymore. You see, im so use to being independent u kno, solving my own problems not really telling anyone...not even my parents. And i was struggling with the idea of giving it all to Him, surrendering it all to Him....n believe me there are still days where thats a hard thing to do. But i realised why...because He has the answers, He knows our plans before we even thot of it. He knows our thots, our desires even if we dun say it out loud. So when we try to force things to happen...or at times...not to happen it doesnt work...because He's WAY ahead of us. I guess that was the lesson that i needed to learn and that He wanted to teach me. So God, i get it now i really do...thank You for showing me the way, Your way. I really do feel blessed i really do :) I just really want to share with all of you His grace and His faithfulness. Please believe that even when we go through bad times that there is a reason for it n that to seek Him, seek for His guidance, His wisdom, and remember we serve a faithful God. Stay true to Him and to yourself. Ask for His strength and His love to guide u, to be with u. And never doubt our awesome God. This is my testimony and i pray that it has helped someone out there, even if its a small step towards Him, I pray that it has helped someone to seek Him. And to have renewed their faith in our Holy God. God bless :)
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