Saturday, April 05, 2003
just came bk from church and really really felt the need to blog...had such an amazing experience today...i guess di has told me before that u kno she wld have questions bout certain things and the next moment God has answered her somehow either thru sermons or from people...i guess i neva really understood that until today. recently i wrote in my blog bout forgiveness and whether can we really forgive if we cant forget? well my question has been answered. it just goes to show how amazing God realy realy is and i feel so privileged and blessed to be lucky enough to experience such awesomeness. Thank You Father. basically today's sermon was by Pastor Benny..im sure all of u kno who Pastor Benny is...I LUVE his sermons i really really do...hence why before i actually became a christian i decided that if i ever did i wld go to his church wherever that is. but u see that again goes to show just awesome he is becuz initially he wasnt at FCC he was at another church ...i believe NLCC or at least thats where i first saw him..(before i was saved) anyway after that i told my fren that i really really like him n if i was to ever become a christian i wld so go wherever he goes. anyway Lord and Behold...a year later i was saved and i felt that i shld go to NLCC if thats where he was gg to be but before i knew it iwas attending FCC wif my mum and i felt quite disappointed that i cldnt go and see Pastor Benny anymore but being the dutiful daughter that i was i supported my mum and followed her to FCC..anyway before i knew it...Pastor Benny was coming to FCC and soon after he was there ALLL the time!!! i was so excited that i jz cldnt believe it but i soon realised that it was all in His plan. and i give thanks so so so much to my Father by just knowing everything even before i cld have the idea in my head even before i cld fathom such an outcome..He knew.
anyway, today's sermon was bout forgiveness...yes...my question...and Pastor Benny just answered exactly what i had asked...can we realy forgive if we cant forget? i mean he didnt exactly phrase it that way but the point is i got my answer and its this. we are humans, we can never realy erase the memory from our minds but what we can do is to remember that our Father showed us mercy time and time again, He forgave us no matter wat sins we committed against Him, and we were reminded of just how merciful our Father is. and Pastor Benny said something..to forgive is a decision, a conscious decision and it doesnt mean that we will immediately like the person or love the person as our brother or sister but once our hearts come in line wif our head we will be set free. Free to forgive and i guess wat i realised wen he said that was..yes i did say i do forgive but i had always felt guilty for not being able to be near him and i realise that its ok. that it isnt wrong, that as a human being these are natural reactions and emotions. and like Ps Benny said...once my heart catches up wif my brain it will be ok. and i really do believe that......i wen up for altar call as well bcuz i realised that i not only needed to forgive but i needed to be forgiven. and thats something that really was such a burden in my heart. i knew wat i was feeling and i felt like such a betrayal to my Father and i cldnt bear the thot that i was being deceitful to Him or that i was such a terrible person but He has just gone to show me that despite all that i feel and said ..He still loves me and by His grace and mercy..He forgave me. now i just need to realise that and to work on the other stuff. i really wan to be free, free from my strongholds that has kept me done and kept me away. I refuse to be beaten down and i refuse to let them overcome me. i want to be a survivor...no ...i am a survivor. so i guess now that is left for me to do is wat Pastor Benny said...to be able to one day, 'look him in the eye and say there is nothing bad between us now." and wen that day comes...which i know it will...i know that i have overcome something that is so deep within me and it will all be bcuz of our Gracious and Merciful Father. Oh God how i love U so so so much. i just want to feel Ur love again and again...i know that its a constant reminder to surrender myself to U but i made a promise to U today which i know U heard and that is I will give my all to U and i dun wan these to be just words...but i wan these to be words wif impact, wif meaning so i ask U Lord please help me, help me Lord to be all that U wan me to be. i surrender my all to U.
anyway, today's sermon was bout forgiveness...yes...my question...and Pastor Benny just answered exactly what i had asked...can we realy forgive if we cant forget? i mean he didnt exactly phrase it that way but the point is i got my answer and its this. we are humans, we can never realy erase the memory from our minds but what we can do is to remember that our Father showed us mercy time and time again, He forgave us no matter wat sins we committed against Him, and we were reminded of just how merciful our Father is. and Pastor Benny said something..to forgive is a decision, a conscious decision and it doesnt mean that we will immediately like the person or love the person as our brother or sister but once our hearts come in line wif our head we will be set free. Free to forgive and i guess wat i realised wen he said that was..yes i did say i do forgive but i had always felt guilty for not being able to be near him and i realise that its ok. that it isnt wrong, that as a human being these are natural reactions and emotions. and like Ps Benny said...once my heart catches up wif my brain it will be ok. and i really do believe that......i wen up for altar call as well bcuz i realised that i not only needed to forgive but i needed to be forgiven. and thats something that really was such a burden in my heart. i knew wat i was feeling and i felt like such a betrayal to my Father and i cldnt bear the thot that i was being deceitful to Him or that i was such a terrible person but He has just gone to show me that despite all that i feel and said ..He still loves me and by His grace and mercy..He forgave me. now i just need to realise that and to work on the other stuff. i really wan to be free, free from my strongholds that has kept me done and kept me away. I refuse to be beaten down and i refuse to let them overcome me. i want to be a survivor...no ...i am a survivor. so i guess now that is left for me to do is wat Pastor Benny said...to be able to one day, 'look him in the eye and say there is nothing bad between us now." and wen that day comes...which i know it will...i know that i have overcome something that is so deep within me and it will all be bcuz of our Gracious and Merciful Father. Oh God how i love U so so so much. i just want to feel Ur love again and again...i know that its a constant reminder to surrender myself to U but i made a promise to U today which i know U heard and that is I will give my all to U and i dun wan these to be just words...but i wan these to be words wif impact, wif meaning so i ask U Lord please help me, help me Lord to be all that U wan me to be. i surrender my all to U.
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