Tuesday, March 25, 2003
well its a wednesday arvo...on the net
meant to be doing sum work for uni...
but kinda got distracted...hehe reading
my fren's blogs...very interesting i must
say....hehehe...i mean yeah....like havent
been on the net for a while so had like no
idea wats been gg on in other ppl's lives..
but slowly getting bk into things...anyway
i guess lately i've just been feeling kinda
how wld u say it...crap!!! umm...things
at my place arent looking that crash hot
atm...i mean yeah its great i've moved into
my new place which im really really glad
about and really happy cuz finally have my
own room but the family situation isnt that
good. on our first nite at our new place
my bro and my stepdad got into this really
big fight...n lets just say i felt a bit of dejavue.
like really i mean im just so sad that things
have gone bk to that again!!! the whole
time i was just thinking to God...'its not meant
to turn out like this!!!' and it wasnt...i thot we
had settled all that stuff but no..once tempers
are flared and anger is on the lips...things come
out in the heat of the moment. im just sadden by
the fact that now the family is divided once again
and this time i doubt there's much that can be
done. a lot of my frens always ask me why are
my parents building another place for themselves??
well the answer is vely simple...they both just cant
live under the same roof. i feel so so so incredibly
lost u know...i always thot that having him as my
stepdad that it wil be diff that my impression of men
in my life is that its possible...possible for them to
stay. but i feel like its just not happening. funi that..
how life turns out huh...now i know...that the only
father that i have is my Father in heaven...He is and
will always be the only one who will neva let me down,
abandon me or forsake me. I guess i 've only come to
truly understand that...and as sad as my situation is
at home i refuse ...i simply refuse to let it beat me. i
know that my Father has a better plan, has a better
purpose for me. i will always remember when Auntie
Ellen prayed for me at church one day and even wen
i didnt tell her wat was really in my heart ...she knew..
she knew bcuz God led her and told her wat i cld not
say..and thats the power of God. He knows even wen
u dun tell Him urself, He knows even wen u feel u cant
express it in words. and i guess il neva forget wat she sed,
she sed,'dun be afraid, have no fear in ur heart that ur
Father in Heaven has chosen someone especially
for u, someone who will be faithful to u and that u can
trust.' i guess the thing that stood out in my mind wen
she sed that was the word faithful. i guess its hard for
me to believe that men can be faithful. terrible thing to
say u mite think but having wat i've gone thru trust me,
there are a lot worse things i can think of!! being faithful
isnt just in the physical sense but also emotionally and
mentally. and i guess thats something i've realised.
anyway on a lighter note,..hehehe...i guess being away
from ppl for a while wen i havent been to church, etc has
made me realise something...i guess u really begin to see
who ur frens are, even wen i was so bz and really hadnt
bother to like keep in touch wif anyone..trust me it was
bcuz i was too tired by the end of the day from shifting boxes
and furniture around that i no longer had the strength to pick up
the fone. that my frens still sms me, called me to check
and see how i was. the thot was just so sweet i mean to know
that im missed and that my frens did notice i was MIA. hehehe
anyway i just wan to say thank u to u guys for noticing and
for asking me how i am..just wanted u guys to know that it
was much appreciated. :)
meant to be doing sum work for uni...
but kinda got distracted...hehe reading
my fren's blogs...very interesting i must
say....hehehe...i mean yeah....like havent
been on the net for a while so had like no
idea wats been gg on in other ppl's lives..
but slowly getting bk into things...anyway
i guess lately i've just been feeling kinda
how wld u say it...crap!!! umm...things
at my place arent looking that crash hot
atm...i mean yeah its great i've moved into
my new place which im really really glad
about and really happy cuz finally have my
own room but the family situation isnt that
good. on our first nite at our new place
my bro and my stepdad got into this really
big fight...n lets just say i felt a bit of dejavue.
like really i mean im just so sad that things
have gone bk to that again!!! the whole
time i was just thinking to God...'its not meant
to turn out like this!!!' and it wasnt...i thot we
had settled all that stuff but no..once tempers
are flared and anger is on the lips...things come
out in the heat of the moment. im just sadden by
the fact that now the family is divided once again
and this time i doubt there's much that can be
done. a lot of my frens always ask me why are
my parents building another place for themselves??
well the answer is vely simple...they both just cant
live under the same roof. i feel so so so incredibly
lost u know...i always thot that having him as my
stepdad that it wil be diff that my impression of men
in my life is that its possible...possible for them to
stay. but i feel like its just not happening. funi that..
how life turns out huh...now i know...that the only
father that i have is my Father in heaven...He is and
will always be the only one who will neva let me down,
abandon me or forsake me. I guess i 've only come to
truly understand that...and as sad as my situation is
at home i refuse ...i simply refuse to let it beat me. i
know that my Father has a better plan, has a better
purpose for me. i will always remember when Auntie
Ellen prayed for me at church one day and even wen
i didnt tell her wat was really in my heart ...she knew..
she knew bcuz God led her and told her wat i cld not
say..and thats the power of God. He knows even wen
u dun tell Him urself, He knows even wen u feel u cant
express it in words. and i guess il neva forget wat she sed,
she sed,'dun be afraid, have no fear in ur heart that ur
Father in Heaven has chosen someone especially
for u, someone who will be faithful to u and that u can
trust.' i guess the thing that stood out in my mind wen
she sed that was the word faithful. i guess its hard for
me to believe that men can be faithful. terrible thing to
say u mite think but having wat i've gone thru trust me,
there are a lot worse things i can think of!! being faithful
isnt just in the physical sense but also emotionally and
mentally. and i guess thats something i've realised.
anyway on a lighter note,..hehehe...i guess being away
from ppl for a while wen i havent been to church, etc has
made me realise something...i guess u really begin to see
who ur frens are, even wen i was so bz and really hadnt
bother to like keep in touch wif anyone..trust me it was
bcuz i was too tired by the end of the day from shifting boxes
and furniture around that i no longer had the strength to pick up
the fone. that my frens still sms me, called me to check
and see how i was. the thot was just so sweet i mean to know
that im missed and that my frens did notice i was MIA. hehehe
anyway i just wan to say thank u to u guys for noticing and
for asking me how i am..just wanted u guys to know that it
was much appreciated. :)
"