My JoURnEY.......

thanks girl for ur advice and for making
me feel slightly sane..and i just wan to
say thanks for understanding and that
these days i dun feel half as bad...i kind
of just accept it. these days i jsut feel
like im on auto-pilot...but i guess atm
thats a good thing. i just dun wan to
pretend anymore u noe..i dun wan to
pretend im okay wen im not...i dun wan
to pretend im not hurting wen i am and
i dun wan to pretend my life is fine..wen
its not..basically i m just tired of pretending
so im not. i've come to realised why do
we pretend at all?? is it more for our sake
or for the sake of those around us?? and i
realised often its more for the sake of others
than ourselves. and why do we do that??wat
purpose does it serve?? really. i guess we
always assume that ppl shldnt see how
vulnerable we really are but the truth is we
are all vulnerable at some point in our lives
why are we ashamed of it?? why do we feel
the need to hide it?? i guess its human nature
but i think we need to stop pretending and be
more true to ourselves.

lately my relaitonship wif my bro has been really
good...im so glad that God has brought both of
us closer together...it has really been a blessing...
and i feel so blessed that God has done such
miracles in our lives. and i truly truly pray that
God wil slowly bring him closer to knowing Christ
and i kno that he will one day but i wil continue to
pray for him.

i was just talking to my mum before bout my bro
and his gf...for those of u duno...his gf is in my
cell. but the thing is my bro isnt a christian...and
iwas just thinking about wat the bible said about
being 'unequally yoked' and how does that work in
this case. and my mum said well ur bro will become
a christian but his gf will have to pray for him fervently.
and i just wonder bout that...dun get me wrong i love
my bro and im really happy for him and his gf but
i just wonder..thats all. i know i mean for me i definitely
want my partner to be a christian thats not even an issue.
but i guess it must be quite hard of the person doesnt
understand or like cant really share in the experience.
i duno but i guess everyone's different but thats just
something i know that isnt for me. i guess it wld feel
too weird wen im praying or wen i feel such a wonderful
miracle that God has done in my life and my partner just
doesnt get it and looks squarely bk at me as if nothing
had happened. i think that wld kinda crush me or
at least not make me want to share wif him much. and
i just dun think i cld handle that or even want that. but i
guess wats really really important to me is that its
written in the bible...and thats God's words...and how
cld i go against that u kno. anyways...gotta go do some
work now...sigh...gg to be a long nite man...later.